So, I have officially purchased a motorcycle which I will be legally able to ride this Sunday. My mind is all over the place regarding this decision, but I have to admit that I couldn't be happier and that nothing is going to stop me. Since the purchase became a reality, some of those who were once completely on board with the idea (i.e., Kristin and my dad) have expressed their concern. In no way does this shed light negatively on them, but proves that embarking on this adventure of motorcycledom affects more people that just me. Over the last couple days, I've reflected a lot on why it is that I'm doing this...to prove to myself that it's a good decision. I've realized that I'm still unexplainably excited about it for two main reasons:
1. I can't deny that everything in my life filters through my understanding of leadership. Call it what you like (I am also hesitant about people who wear "leadership" on their sleeve), but the many facets of leadership and how they play out in my daily life through reflection and action keep me constantly convicted about what it means to be relational, serve others, and live to the fullest. My spiritual beliefs also encourage the decisions I make and create a positive fork in the road for my spontaneous and adventurous desires. When it comes down to it, I believe leadership is often just as much about what gets us revved up as it is about what we actually do. This quote by George Bernard Shaw articulates my emotions about why I am ready to jump on a motorcycle and ride:
"I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.
I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no "brief candle" for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."
With no intention of sacrificing humility, I really want riding a motorcycle to be part of my legacy. Similar to skydiving, I'm ready to know what it is about riding a motorcycle that will equate to my belief that I've jumped out of a plane at 14,000 ft., so there's nothing I can't do.
2. When I started this blog, I mentioned that one of the things that I wanted to talk about was what I've learned about mutuality through multiple sclerosis. I'm going to tangent off of that a bit, but have to be honest that my internalization of my multiple sclerosis diagnosis enhanced my need for speed. I hate to bring up "the MS card," and I hope you know I wouldn't talk about it for selfish reasons.
One of the craziest things about having MS is that there's no clear prognosis for how the disease will play itself out in the future. We may have a cure in a few years. I may see a strong decline in my health from the condition I've been blessed so far. I may not. The parts of my body that are affected could dramatically change. You get it. But that is the scariest and most encouraging part of the whole deal at the same time. Simply said, if my legs, arms, eyes, etc. aren't working right in the future I'll be bummed that I didn't take advantage of this opportunity now. I'm able NOW and that makes me thankful.
But it's not merely personal. I don't have a clear understanding of how this will happen, but I need to devote my life in some way shape or form to this cause. My doctor when I was first diagnosed told me, "This is your opportunity." Little did he know, this simple comment made a huge difference in my life. I was optimistic about the whole thing, but this made me want to do something BIG about it. I can understand if you're lost in the mix here of everything I'm talking about, but it comes full circle for me. I'd love to root my service with the community now and in the future in my experiences with MS. Getting a motorcycle and riding the life out of it relates to the Dalai Lama's statement that, "If I seek enlightenment for myself simply to enhance myself and my position, I miss the purpose, if I seek enlightenment for myself to enable me to serve others, I am with purpose."
I realize I'm doing this because I want to...and I don't deny the component of selfishness. But, I'd love to talk with the masses about this experience some day for what I believe it is worth. For me, that is more than just what it appears on the surface.
5 comments:
I have just come across your blog due to the mention of multiple sclerosis. When I began my blog less than one year ago, the main topic was health policy from a wonkish perspective.
Once I made the decision to discuss how multiple sclerosis fits in my life, a community sprouted. Or rather I was welcomed within an existing community online.
If you wish to explore the concept of community further, using MS as a common thread, please feel free to check out my personal blog Brass and Ivory and my project at the Carnival of MS Bloggers.
In the meantime, enjoy that ride.
Alright this is my second attempt at posting a comment. The first one went to blog heaven I think...
Anyway, what I wanted to say here is that initially I thought the motorcycle was fulfilling some kind of manly man thing or perhaps you had entered a quarter life crisis (I think we are hitting that age bracket now...). But that's what I am just realizing is the greatest thing about blogs, they give us-if only for a moment-a brief glimpse into the deeply held thoughts of another individual. And Kevin, you do just that. I see now that there is much behind this decision and it was nice to get an insider view of your thoughts. I also was prompted by a question as I was reading, do you think another reason for wanting the motorcycle is that it gives you the time and space to do your reflection? You and I have talked about how you reflect a lot and how you are "always thinking" so maybe the motorcycle is time for just you on the open road to do your thinking...If so we should look forward to some great posts in the future.
Laura, you hit the nail on the head. I had my first official day of riding yesterday and it's crazy how peaceful and non-peaceful it is at the same time. I think as I get better, it will serve much more in the role of reflection as you mentioned, whereas now I have to still be very conscious of the fact that I'm still learning how to ride. I'm so excited, though, and it has been awesome so far. Inside the helmet it's crazy, because it's you and your thoughts. On the outside, it's you, huge cars, and asphalt. I bet there's many cool thoughts to come.
Crazy, I thought you were doing it to save money on gas. Stupid me.
Kidding. Love the posts, man. I remember you talking about wanting a bike a couple of years ago, but your new-found perspective (or newly-enhanced?) on life makes me believe that you are doing it for the right reasons. I'm happy for you, and I look forward to you driving me to the metro stop on the back of the bike.
I TOTALLY get it. You don't want to die with the music still in you. You go my dear nephew!
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